i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
