apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize