"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
