Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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