Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
