i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
