I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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