Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
