I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
