he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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