U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
