Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
