i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
