My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
