I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
