Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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