Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
