I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
