i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
