As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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