This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
