I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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