me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
