He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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