careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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