You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
