During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
