I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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