i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
