Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
