What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
