feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
