I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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