Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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