ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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