is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
