I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
