I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Randomize
