we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
