This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
