smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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