My friends, they love my intelligence
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
