is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I skipped work to stalk him.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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