Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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