ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
