i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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