she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
