but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
