How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
