They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
