so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
