just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
