Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
