He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
