You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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