Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
