My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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