you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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