on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
