those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
