so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
