Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
